"We're in trouble, aren't we?"
"Did you hear me? The boss is going to flip"
"I heard you, I'm just thinking."
"How can you stay so calm? Any minute, he is going to walk in here demanding answers and we both know that he is not going to be understanding or patient!"
"I'm staying calm because I am sipping Chamomile tea while you are freaking out. Also, this crisis is only one of four different crises I am currently dealing with - two of which both involve different kinds of balm and the fourth, embalming."
"Embalming?"
"Right - my dad has been an embalmer for the past 25 years and his employer is trying to force him to quit because he refuses to update his methods. It angers me so much that his ancient Egyptian methods are no longer valued."
"Look, I'm sure that situation is tough for you, but can we try to stay focussed? I have my bi-weekly poker game tonight and I want to fix this, so I can get out of here on time. Ideally, I would leave a few minutes early, as it is my turn to bring snacks and I was planning on making my too-die-for Pork-encrusted, bacon-wrapped, prosciutto-stuffed ham hocks served with a side of fried pigs ears. The last time I made these yummy snacks I smelled like a pig for a week, which, coincidentally is what my horoscope the next morning had predicted for me."
"You any good at poker?"
"I think so. When I was growing up, my parents let me play a little bit with them and this eventually grew into somewhere between 93 and 95 hours of on online poker per week by the time I turned 18. At one point my old roommates were worried and tried to stage an intervention, but I called their bluff. They only wanted to use the card tables to make a really awesome spaceship."
"You play poker almost 100 hours a week online???"
"No no no! I used to - now I spend quite a bit of time watching K-Pop videos as well.
"I used to be really into K-Pop as well, but now I mostly watch You Tube videos on embroidering. My original plan was to cover all of my walls with decorative embroidered hangings, but that slowly morphed into my designing a series of miniature doll houses for a Mars doll colony that I have set up in my rec room."
"I'm really not too sure how to respond to that except to say 'huh' and 'wow' and "thank you'."
"Well, I also have a vested interest in leaving here somewhat on time today. My side business designing modernized vests for movie theatre ushers takes up a lot of free time that used to go towards training for the competitive domino circuit. I am also pondering investing in the lucrative handbag futures market."
"There is money in handbags. Also in the bank, which reminds me I also need to go to the bank so I can smell my money for a while."
"Thinking about handbags reminds me of my grandmother. What a strong woman - she was a such a trendsetter in so many ways. Also she had a set of handbags in the same vein as Russian nesting dolls. This seemed a good idea when she first purchased them until she tried to find her nail file and had to check all 19 bags."
"Are we going to try to solve this problem, this crisis before the boss shows up?"
"I guess we should."
"Do you have any idea what we should do? I'm all out of ideas."
"I have a plan. Do you promise not to be jealous this time? Your jealousy is so tough to deal with. It's not my fault that I have a naturally shiny forehead and that birds often perch, and occasionally mate, on my shoulders."
"Me jealous of you? Hardly. I know you covet my charm bracelets and also my other bracelets as well. Don't deny it!"
"Talking to you is like talking to my dad. Probably because you are both 5'8" and have bushy mustaches and treat my sister like a daughter.."
"I wish we could get some work done. Can we please get some work done? Why, oh why, can we not just get some work done!??!?! Or order in some Chinese?"
We both freeze as the door knob abruptly turns and the door opens. It is our boss and he can tell instantly that we have failed.
"Did you hear me? The boss is going to flip"
"I heard you, I'm just thinking."
"How can you stay so calm? Any minute, he is going to walk in here demanding answers and we both know that he is not going to be understanding or patient!"
"I'm staying calm because I am sipping Chamomile tea while you are freaking out. Also, this crisis is only one of four different crises I am currently dealing with - two of which both involve different kinds of balm and the fourth, embalming."
"Embalming?"
"Right - my dad has been an embalmer for the past 25 years and his employer is trying to force him to quit because he refuses to update his methods. It angers me so much that his ancient Egyptian methods are no longer valued."
"Look, I'm sure that situation is tough for you, but can we try to stay focussed? I have my bi-weekly poker game tonight and I want to fix this, so I can get out of here on time. Ideally, I would leave a few minutes early, as it is my turn to bring snacks and I was planning on making my too-die-for Pork-encrusted, bacon-wrapped, prosciutto-stuffed ham hocks served with a side of fried pigs ears. The last time I made these yummy snacks I smelled like a pig for a week, which, coincidentally is what my horoscope the next morning had predicted for me."
"You any good at poker?"
"I think so. When I was growing up, my parents let me play a little bit with them and this eventually grew into somewhere between 93 and 95 hours of on online poker per week by the time I turned 18. At one point my old roommates were worried and tried to stage an intervention, but I called their bluff. They only wanted to use the card tables to make a really awesome spaceship."
"You play poker almost 100 hours a week online???"
"No no no! I used to - now I spend quite a bit of time watching K-Pop videos as well.
"I used to be really into K-Pop as well, but now I mostly watch You Tube videos on embroidering. My original plan was to cover all of my walls with decorative embroidered hangings, but that slowly morphed into my designing a series of miniature doll houses for a Mars doll colony that I have set up in my rec room."
"I'm really not too sure how to respond to that except to say 'huh' and 'wow' and "thank you'."
"Well, I also have a vested interest in leaving here somewhat on time today. My side business designing modernized vests for movie theatre ushers takes up a lot of free time that used to go towards training for the competitive domino circuit. I am also pondering investing in the lucrative handbag futures market."
"There is money in handbags. Also in the bank, which reminds me I also need to go to the bank so I can smell my money for a while."
"Thinking about handbags reminds me of my grandmother. What a strong woman - she was a such a trendsetter in so many ways. Also she had a set of handbags in the same vein as Russian nesting dolls. This seemed a good idea when she first purchased them until she tried to find her nail file and had to check all 19 bags."
"Are we going to try to solve this problem, this crisis before the boss shows up?"
"I guess we should."
"Do you have any idea what we should do? I'm all out of ideas."
"I have a plan. Do you promise not to be jealous this time? Your jealousy is so tough to deal with. It's not my fault that I have a naturally shiny forehead and that birds often perch, and occasionally mate, on my shoulders."
"Me jealous of you? Hardly. I know you covet my charm bracelets and also my other bracelets as well. Don't deny it!"
"Talking to you is like talking to my dad. Probably because you are both 5'8" and have bushy mustaches and treat my sister like a daughter.."
"I wish we could get some work done. Can we please get some work done? Why, oh why, can we not just get some work done!??!?! Or order in some Chinese?"
We both freeze as the door knob abruptly turns and the door opens. It is our boss and he can tell instantly that we have failed.
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