First Date

Wow am I excited or what?

That was an incredible and amazing evening!

It was beyond awesome from the opening "hello" all the way to the closing, and quite lengthy and dramatically presented good bye that I couldn't quite make out due to our proximity that guy at the bus stop screaming about the end of the world.

I don't think I've ever had more fun in a 5 hour time period aside from that one time when I was 15 and I locked myself in my room, covered myself in margarine, put in some mood music, and created conceptual art. My parents were so concerned, until they saw the art, and then they had to return to the den to read their thesaurus as "concerned" was no longer apt. I also never thought our first date would last 5 hours, though that's mostly because I never think anything will ever last 5 hours. It's how I was raised.

I just couldn't be happier than I am right now at this very moment. Not even if I tried, which I haven't. You know, it's just not as easy as it sounds to try to be happier than one is when one is already happy, and I should know, due to those two years spent with my annoyingly gleeful roommate that I often playfully refer to as "The Bludgeoning". I learned, years later, that he was actually an extremely unhappy person back in those days, but just spend an inordinate amount of time standing on his head.

Finally a date! 

I just can't believe it!

I have wanted to go out on a date for so long and I am still in a state of disbelief that it just happened! Can you believe it? Me, in a state of disbelief? I know, I know, that's incredibly easy to believe. I'm in such a state on a bi-weekly basis. But, me on a date? With a fellow human who, in this case, was an attractive female as well? And to believe that she didn't need to be coerced or fooled with shiny objects or bribed with rare concert tickets? Wow! And to think my parents told me over and over and over again that this would never happen. They even took out a full page ad in the local newspaper, which seemed excessive and a touch mean, to let me know how unlikely my dating would be. Don't get me wrong, my parents were as loving as caring as two individuals who kind of, sort of chose to get married and raise a family could be. But, they also believed in being unapologetically up front and frank all the time especially when it came to their one and only son's social life, or lack thereof.

I am just on cloud nine or at least in the nearby vicinity, and I don't care who sees me almost literally dancing down the sidewalk right now. And that is saying a lot as I'm usually quite shy or bashful in public places and some would even go as far as saying I'm 'afraid' or 'paranoid to the point where I feel like I need to duck behind random objects as if I'm being followed'. What can I say? I have a vivid imagination and was taught by my elementary school to believe that I would one day be worthy of being tracked or stalked by others.

But tonight, tonight was so amazing! I don't think it could have gone any better aside from a few things that I am attempting not to dwell on as whenever I dwell on small things from the past in counselling sessions, my therapist shakes his head repeatedly and begins frantically taking notes and it ends up costing me a minimum of $500. The only obvious way it could have gone better would be if I hadn't accidentally scalded her with hot water when I insisted on pouring her tea even though she really was set on pouring her own. I did apologize, though, to be honest, she should have allowed me to pour it for her as many friends of mine refer to me as the Mozart of accurately pouring hot liquids from one vessel to another. I have no idea what that really means.

It was clear that she was having a great time even after I misunderstood her somewhat feeble attempt at sarcasm and literally wrestled her to the ground. And she didn't seem to mind too much when I both slapped and tripped her repeatedly on the dance floor at the club after dinner when I got bit to carried away when they played my favourite song. As I tried to explain, I can't be held accountable for my limbs when my favourite song comes on and I have the notarized legal paperwork to prove it. 

I could just see the glee in her eyes even when I took out my calculator to make sure that the bill was not only split evenly but that we also took into account precisely how much each of us consumed proportionally relative to our weight as well as indirectly proportional to the density of our entrees. My calculator work was impressive to say the least, which is why I usually don't take it out of its protective cloth until the third date.

And to think I was so nervous of making a good first impression! I was. Really nervous - I was gerbil-like in my obsessive desire to gnaw anything that came anywhere near my mouth - plastic containers, pumice stones, loose items of clothing - anything! I see now that first impressions, albeit quite huge, only last so long and that all of the impressions that come after the big opening are as, if not more, important. Thankfully, I practiced and made sure ahead of time that after the initial glow of the opening wore off that I would have a series of impressions that would keep her in an as-close-to-constant state of awe as possible without having to bring my expensive sensory equipment from home.

I used my nervousness to my advantage just how my passionate and oppositional drama teacher from high school always told me to. I came out "guns a blazing" almost literally, until I remembered the strict firearms ordnance that had just been passed. I was "hopped up on goofballs" which, in hindsight, was fairly poor judgment, and not a good message for the kids of today, as about an hour into the date I literally crashed and snored loudly for the next 45 minutes which thankfully went undetected as we were in a dark theatre watching a vivid dance/chainsaw performance that is so hot right now.

The rest of the date was wonderful and spectacular and she is such a great person! I just can't over what an amazing and caring woman she is. For example, when I pretended to go into anaphylactic shock, her response was as textbook as you can get and I should know seeing as I had brought the textbook with me just in case she appeared to be up for that sort of test. 

The weeks of lead up to our first date were full of high anxiety, dangerously low metabolism and a rash that nearly covered my body from head to toe. I lifted weights, usually by choice; I brushed my hair daily, longing to brush someone else's hair just for variety's sake; I treated my body like a shrine, although I did find that exercise to be quite futile as my previous experience with shrines was mostly as a place to hide the raw broccoli my parents were trying to force on me as a child.

Then we finally met and it was just so amazing and I can't wait to see her again!

It may have been just me, because it has been in the past with other girls, but I really felt something click like there was a real connection between us. I am so excited! 

An actual date! 

Yes!