Things I Really Appreciate

I really appreciate the first taste of freshly squeezed orange juice first thing in the morning. Sweet, tangy, full of citric acid and vitamins and I enjoy it up to the point, but not past, when I have saturated my senses with juice and I sink into a state of delirium where I imagine I am being chased by an army of oranges riding larger, horse-like oranges hurling smaller, grenade-like oranges at me and all three sizes and genres of oranges have fully-equipped faces including adorable eyes and curly moustaches that would look appropriate on certain French chefs.

I also appreciate orangutans as I'm fairly sure it would be unwise not too.

I really appreciate chalk for providing me a means to communicate messages via sidewalk, the least transportable, but often times, the most convenient method of communicating. Many of my most interesting, thought-provoking and meaningful communiques have been delivered on the sidewalk - what can I say, hardened concrete inspires me and it always will. I also like having my body traced as if I were a victim at a taped-off police crime scene as I believe in being prepared for just about any situation that involves chalk and sidewalks.

It is hard not to appreciate a really comfortable couch - soft, cozy, relaxing - all the things the couch in my living room is not - it is almost as if I have the couch who was excommunicated from the wonderful land of the couches, and the monarchy that was fair and just for all, for being abrasive, rude, practicing witchcraft and always talking in jealous tones about how many of the couches who walked around so superior like were just glorified and oversized chairs in the big scheme of things. I understand that this thought is still relatively unformed and in its' infancy - I'll work on it more and flesh it out when I have that comfortable couch.

I have grown to appreciate fans overtime and have progressed from barely being able to handle using one small fan on particularly hot summer days to the present where I have filled every square inch of my house with super high-powered fans that make it next to impossible to make my hair at all presentable but with the upside of making things extremely light and breezy that I haven't sweated inside my house in years and have literally flown from room to room.

I truly appreciate great art including anatomically-correct sculptures of human beings especially the ones that teach at the local community college - I owe everything I know to those walking, talking and well-dressed moving pieces of three-dimensional art. It's also highly possible that they are, in fact, just actual people who work as instructors, and if that is true, they are now even less interesting than before. Here's hoping they are sculptures.

I can't stop talking about how much I appreciate the word "the" and to show my appreciation I have created a musical comedy/multimedia presentation featuring hand puppets and an interactive slide show that is both highly controversial and overly sentimental. The show takes the audience through the sordid history of "the" from infancy through it's present-day mature adult who dresses and acts about 10 years younger then it really is which is both embarrassing and humourous for it's friends "and", "then" and "yet". The show highlights certain times in the life of "the" including "the's" rebellious youth (wanted to go by solely "T"), the radical period in it's 20s (started wearing berets, shades and listening to jazz) and  "the's" middle-life crisis when it felt that half of its' life was wasted and wished more time had been spent travelling, spending time with family and charging for each written use of itself. The show ends with an allegorical act making a commentary on the role "the" has played both in the rise of the humans and our eventual fall.

I appreciate one of nature's little miracles, the squirrel, always running, jumping, bouncing and looking for food and dancing beautifully with a reckless abandon to the songs of nature and Mother Earth or they could just be jumpy and nervous and need to relax more.

I truly appreciate my eyes for granting all that wish to pay the $25 access fee for a view through the window to my soul - for only an extra $5 you can look into my ears where I believe there may be enough free wax to go around.

I really appreciate the lock on the door of the room I am locked inside of as I am attempting to see the positives in everything and I have learned the hard way that just staying angry, especially at inanimate objects like this lock, are a waste of energy - "it isn't the lock's fault" I tell myself, although in moments of anguish and frustration, I just want to smash it to bits right before trying to befriend it.

It is hard not to appreciate the gentle background buzzing of a far off group of bees - so calming, so pleasant and such a perfect natural soundtrack for me to enjoy while I lean back and enjoy eating spoonfuls of sweet, thick honey while sitting in my favour spot surrounded by clovers and other flowers almost literally dripping with nectar. I don't have a care in the world and nothing bad is going to happen to me today, I just know it....Is it just me or is the buzzing getting louder and more intense? No matter, nothing is going to disrupt my peace and my pure enjoyment of this magical honey.

I really appreciate the glass of water I have in front of me that I plan to start drinking out of momentarily. It is currently so full, almost bursting with water and a such a picture of perfection that I just can't get myself to take the first sip even though my lips are chapped, my throat is dry and my headache is growing worse by the minute. I look around and admire my room that is literally full of glass upon glass of crystal-clear, very-drinkable water and beam like only a proud father could.

I also appreciate objects, unlike me, with thick skins such as unripened bananas and my great uncle Larry. There is just so much I can learn from these two about not letting little things get to me and letting small annoyances roll off my shoulders, and in exchange I believe I can teach them all about the wonders of becoming yellow and edible as well as the fact that the war ended decades ago. 

I have grown to appreciate pond scum and am working hard at learning to appreciate all types of scum as I don't want to give the appearance that I am playing favourites.

I just totally appreciate dresses and the whole worldwide dress-designing and making industry. These expert dress people are so skilled, what with the measuring, the sewing, the careful-determining-of-profit-margins-to-arrive-at-slightly-unfair-but-not-enough-so-to-raise-the-alarm-that-was-built-just-for-potentially-price-gouging-moments-like-this-because-if-it-did-it-would-cause-a-revolution prices and the bringing of smiles to women both young and old around the world and also to admirers-from-afar like me with closet-room to spare and really poor decision making when it comes to saving, investing and spending my hard-earned money. When I need to drown my sorrows for being broke, I just sit in my closet and rub the soft fabric of these dresses on my face and neck and I feel so alive.

I have a deep appreciation for things that appreciate in value like my collection of rare stamps, my never-used expensive Italian car, my big bag of polished chicken bones and the unopened bottle of apple juice I'm holding and considering saving and selling to the highest bidder during the rapture. There is a chance the bones are worthless and, in that case, at least I need to find a new item that will appreciate to maintain my minimum quota and to cook less chicken as the bones are worthless and I am a vegetarian anyways.

I will always appreciate leaps of faith as they are daring, exciting and breathtaking and can be done both blindfolded and partially asleep while also involving next to zero actual faith in anything at all (believe me, I asked around and most people just nodded their heads and took the first bus uptown) or belief in anything outside of what I can directly experience.

I completely appreciate dots for their simplicity, for helping me either end or extend sentences, for dancing in front of my eyes and keeping things optically interesting, for their freckleness and for appropriately always paying homage to their ancestors the circle and, the infinitely more exciting, rings.

I will always appreciate where I have come from and the people who helped me leave there and get to where I am now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart- I couldn't get out of that sink hole fast enough. 

I appreciate the simple things in life and the ridiculously, mind-numbing, hair-pulling-out complex things as well as some of the things in between except of course: congealed chicken fat (unless there is about to be a food fight or prizes are about to be awarded for the greatest array of fats), excessive punctuation (I have always believed that if you can't express something with three punctuation marks or less it isn't worth expressing and you should probably just calm down), watching paint dry (or just watching paint in any stage of being made, bought, applied, dried, and waiting until the onset of the eventual peeling which will lead to scraping it all off and starting again - once you are in, it is an endless loop of horrible and mind-suckingly boring experiences all involving paint), the letter 'm' (it just seems like an inverted w and it is fully aware of that), bats (no explanation needed aside from my tears), periods of silence (it all depends on how long the periods are and how much and what quality of noise I will be treated to afterwards) and those rows and rows and rows of white pillars that I must run amongst for what seems like years and years all the while being pelted with rain and snow and sleet while also dealing with the teeth rattling-screeching of the hundreds and hundreds of black menacing birds by air and the unbelievably large, blood-thirsty wolves and coyotes by land and having to make split second decision after split second decision with the adrenalin pumping and the heart racing and the excessive sweating overwhelming my body. That's right, I appreciate everything but those things.