His Shirt Was So Tight

He chopped wood outside all of the day,
Heavily invested in making "them" pay,
To sound more "street" started calling himself Tre,
Accidentally glued his hands together when he started to pray,
To win a girl's heart, he put on a play,
And eats muffins with gusto.

He longingly looks up at the stars,
Stores all sorts of odd things in a collection of jars,
Often spends the night crying after hitting the bars,
Left with a huge pile of sand after extracting the tars,
Got a job as a pirate with really great "Yaaaarrrr"s,
And goes to the store every Friday.

He got a new job tenderizing some beef,
When he was little he lost his front "teef",
Got horribly itchy for caressing the wrong leaf,
Once ran away from home to go live on the reef,
Needs to drink a litre of OJ just to feel some relief,
And wears his socks when he showers.

He spent the whole holidays playing the game,
Felt pretty annoyed when he received only 9 minutes of fame,
Lived the first four years of his life without a first name,
Wrongly believes any wild animal can be tame,
Won the first prize for being the most lame,
And has an excuse if you need one.

He uses only designer soap to clean his white towels,
Wrote a short story using only some vowels,
Is known around town as the man with the scowls,
Draws concerned looks from all for his collection of fowls,
When dating a new girl gets excited and howls,
And eats his oatmeal with sugar.

He had a weird dream where he got a lot fatter,
When given a choice, opts for the latter,
Hates his wife's pancakes, but gulps down the batter,
Wrote a beautiful song featuring teeth all a chatter,
While he prefers hugs, his mom was a patter,
And wrinkles his nose like a bunny.

He looked really good because his shirt was so tight,
Broke up with his girlfriend because of that bite,
Walks around looking sad because a dog ate his kite,
Afraid he'll grow fangs when day turns to night,
Painted his body to make his skin actually white,
And washes his car in the rain.

He lost his job at the factory when he barked like some dogs,
In a search for a princess he kissed all the frogs,
To satisfy his vanity he goes for lots of jogs,
Considers himself European because he wears wooden clogs,
Made a Morse code pattern using all the beach logs,
And wears his hair in a 'fro.

He made the crowd laugh when he told that rude joke,
Almost got himself gored because of a poke,
Spent the night staring at his sister until she awoke,
Tried a new treatment engulfed in thick smoke,
Gave away his bank savings to make himself broke,
And kicked the ball in his yard.

He has so much invested in finding that cure,
Refuses to eat anything less than 99% pure,
After the trip to Arabia, can't get enough myrrh,
Envious of bears mostly cause of their thick coat of fur,
Never catches a fish, as he eats the lure,
And quietly toasts some bread.

He thought he'd get smarter by reading that book,
Gets all of the parts, because he got "the look"
When someone bores him he gives them the hook,
Can't play chess; cares to much for the rook,
Served everyone raw food as he never learned to cook,
And rolls his eyes at the moon.

He scrubbed and he scrubbed to get rid of the blood,
Bought lots of canned food to prepare for the flood,
Got a bad rash cause he used the wrong mud,
To fit in with the cows, started chewing some cud,
Screwed in all 1000 lightbulbs in search of the dud,
And eats celery for the fibre.

He got kicked out of the gang because told the police,
Broke his ring finger when he high-fived his niece,
Lost his new place when he misread the lease,
Can't tell the different between some swans and some geese,
Brought the house down by using some fruit as his piece,
And hems his own pants in the summer.

He only writes poems that are very deep,
Mistook the tree for his neighbour when nearly asleep,
Refuses to buy some more wax; the price is too steep,
Walks all around the town in search of noses to beep,
Embarrassingly attracted to Little Bo Peep,
And brushes his hair every morning.

He came home from work and ate all the fish,
Set as his goal, to be served on a dish,
Revealed his true colours when granted his wish,
Only buys new pants that make a loud swish,
Made his dad proud when he bought that knish,
And rubs his seashell for good luck.

He lost all his friends for not ceasing to tickle,
Constantly on the loookout for new foods to pickle,
Won't eat the second-rate caviar as he is fickle
Wouldn't hug the girl at the fair for only a nickle,
Went all the way to Russia to purchase a sickle,
And clicks his heels when excited.