...because she has increased your reflexes by 200% due to you being a live target when she trains for her archery competitions
...when she hesitatingly allows you to hold her as you cry at the end of sad movies
...if you were pandas and you never questioned her having just one more piece of bamboo
...when you built an actual pedestal for her to stand on and she gave you one loud clap (you found out soon afterwards that the clap was actually to turn her spotlight on)
...because even though she often spends her weekend afternoons plotting to overthrow your empire by taking it down from the inside you still appreciate her organizational skills
...if she was a lioness, you would remove that thorn from her paw even if it led to your being gravely injured (she is a lion afterall)
...because even when she seems to go out of her way to annoy you, you still would never make fun of her near-ridiculous collection of miniature farm animal figurines
...when her mood swings liken your home life to "The Killing Fields" and you still take crochet lessons with her on Wednesdays
...if although she laughs at your "dreams" of having a real job that gives you satisfaction and a sense of worth, you can't help but laugh along - damn infectious laugh!
...because she helped you build a large train set in your rec room complete with people, trees, buildings and a toll booth that she insisted had to collect $100 from you every time the train passed
...as despite your countless hours of volunteering with at-risk-youths she constantly makes fun of not only your nose, but also the nose of your father and looks stylish while doing it
...because when she beats you at Monopoly yet again she allows you to join her in the celebration
...if the quaint cabin in the woods that you spent the summer building looks amazing and she allows you to stay in the cabin for the grand opening and even though she immediately afterwards changes all of the locks, it receives only positive comments and complements from all of your friends including a begrudging one from her
...because she absolutely loves your extravagant 5-course birthday dinner you made for her even though she spends the entire dinner trying to send dishes back
...when the screenplay you wrote gets optioned for a pilot, she somehow takes all of the credit and receives all of the accolades and fame, but she does give you assistant to the associate producer credit
...if after you win a friendly tennis match with her she lets you enjoy it for a few minutes before she makes you apologize profusely
...because after a beautiful getaway weekend together she only implies that you should be questioning her motives once
...if sales from her version of your autobiography (which was written entirely from her perspective and only makes occasional mention of you) donates a small amount of its proceeds to a charity in your name
...because her insisting that you taste all of her food to ensure no one has attempted to poison her results in you eating some really amazing food
...when your hair starts to grey at the temples, she demonstrates sympathy for you by getting a perm (it should be said that you misread most of her actions as sympathetic)
...because even when she seems to go out of her way to annoy you, you still would never make fun of her near-ridiculous collection of miniature farm animal figurines
...when her mood swings liken your home life to "The Killing Fields" and you still take crochet lessons with her on Wednesdays
...if although she laughs at your "dreams" of having a real job that gives you satisfaction and a sense of worth, you can't help but laugh along - damn infectious laugh!
...because she helped you build a large train set in your rec room complete with people, trees, buildings and a toll booth that she insisted had to collect $100 from you every time the train passed
...as despite your countless hours of volunteering with at-risk-youths she constantly makes fun of not only your nose, but also the nose of your father and looks stylish while doing it
...because when she beats you at Monopoly yet again she allows you to join her in the celebration
...if the quaint cabin in the woods that you spent the summer building looks amazing and she allows you to stay in the cabin for the grand opening and even though she immediately afterwards changes all of the locks, it receives only positive comments and complements from all of your friends including a begrudging one from her
...because she absolutely loves your extravagant 5-course birthday dinner you made for her even though she spends the entire dinner trying to send dishes back
...when the screenplay you wrote gets optioned for a pilot, she somehow takes all of the credit and receives all of the accolades and fame, but she does give you assistant to the associate producer credit
...if after you win a friendly tennis match with her she lets you enjoy it for a few minutes before she makes you apologize profusely
...because after a beautiful getaway weekend together she only implies that you should be questioning her motives once
...if sales from her version of your autobiography (which was written entirely from her perspective and only makes occasional mention of you) donates a small amount of its proceeds to a charity in your name
...because her insisting that you taste all of her food to ensure no one has attempted to poison her results in you eating some really amazing food
...when your hair starts to grey at the temples, she demonstrates sympathy for you by getting a perm (it should be said that you misread most of her actions as sympathetic)
... because even after she put limits on your weekly conversation time, she did give you extended visitations with your beloved teddy bear that she confiscated
...if she decides to start playing more games with you to add more fun to the relationship - the main game being hide-n-seek where she hides really well for days at a time - (one time she came back looking like she had just been to Mardi Gras)
...when her friends "jokingly" refer to you as "the butler" or "the help" or "the pool boy" because it makes you blush
...if your horrible and insulting comedy duo performs at a local club and she allows you to take center stage at the end (coincidentally this always occurs when the audience starts pelting you with tomatoes)
...because she buys you increasingly beautiful and hairier cats for your birthday each year and you enjoy these amazingly cute animals all-the-while sneezing up a storm and buying yearly supplies of allergy medications
...when she hugs you so strongly each Monday morning leaving marks and bruises so that the hug will "last" for the whole week
...if she decides to start playing more games with you to add more fun to the relationship - the main game being hide-n-seek where she hides really well for days at a time - (one time she came back looking like she had just been to Mardi Gras)
...when her friends "jokingly" refer to you as "the butler" or "the help" or "the pool boy" because it makes you blush
...if your horrible and insulting comedy duo performs at a local club and she allows you to take center stage at the end (coincidentally this always occurs when the audience starts pelting you with tomatoes)
...because she buys you increasingly beautiful and hairier cats for your birthday each year and you enjoy these amazingly cute animals all-the-while sneezing up a storm and buying yearly supplies of allergy medications
...when she hugs you so strongly each Monday morning leaving marks and bruises so that the hug will "last" for the whole week
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