Dear Diary: October 10th

October 10th

Hi Diary,

Sorry it has taken me a few days to write, but I've just been so exhausted after work these first few days.

Work has been very busy and, while I love it, it has not been without its challenges.

I expected there to be some bumps and bruises early on, but I naively believed that they would all be as a result of my own clumsiness or giddiness. Some of my new colleagues were initially like karate instructors what with their kicks and pins and belts until I realized that my new office was on the third floor. 

My actual colleagues had put together a small welcome party complete with cute, dainty sandwiches that had all gone stale by the time I finally left that dojo, but it is the thought that counts, or at least that is what my overly analytical mother used to always tell me during bath time when all I wanted to do was relax in the hot, soapy water not think and play with my duckies.

Diary - I finally have my own desk! How I have always wanted a job with a desk! It just seems like proof that I have made it in life as I imagine that there are limited desks and not enough to go around and only the golden ones and those of us who just can't afford to visit tanning salons on a regular basis get them.

It is quite the desk too and exactly as I had imagined it which is probably because they had called me the other day asking me what kind of desk I wanted and I was quite descriptive to the point where they had to abruptly end the conversation by running away screaming.

I spent much of the first day standing near my desk just marvelling at the craftsmanship and that unique slightly-used desk smell. Don't worry diary - they offered me a new desk and I politely turned them down saying that I wanted to prove to them that I was worthy of new office furniture as it would both motivate me and not make me feel so guilty when I accidently poured scalding hot tea on it every other morning because I forgot to blow on it. I am very forgetful, as you know, when starting a 

new job and holding hot drinkable liquids.  

As I previously told you, I was so excited to share all of my ideas with the others to show them that not only was I creative and innovative but that I knew how to communicate that in at least three different ways using multiple colours. And I arrived this first week hoping to hit the floor running, only to find out that all floor running had been banned due to a recent rise in head injuries. Instead, I found myself glued to my desk which was at least partially my fault due to my overzealous use of glue while trying to impress my next door neighbour who seemed the type to be impressed by glue usage.

My neighbours in the cubicles on either side of me have been friendly and supportive in a silent and distant sort of way. I have tried to break the ice, but the office has a strict no-ice-pic policy. After two days of silence aside from the occasional cough or loud sigh, I tried smiling and laughing at everything, as my high school Spanish teacher had always told us "when in doubt, smile, and if that doesn't work, smile all day and don't stop until you receive a smile in return even if it is obvious that the returned smile is filled with annoyance and frustration". I always took that to heart, although I'm sure something was lost in the translation.  

I'd be lying to say that I wasn't hoping for more warmth right away, but the office is particularly poorly heated and I obviously need to invest in more woollen sweaters. Everyone is competing to move ahead and I was told it was dog-eat-dog which I found both oddly motivational and repulsive, as my brother was almost eaten by a rabid dog when I was ten until I remembered that I not only didn't have a brother but that it was just two overly amorous teenagers that left emotional scars I'm still recovering from. 

I'm just not a huge fan of workplace competition and I'm hoping that over time I can help institute a new collaborative and dog-assist-dog atmosphere around here with incentives and dog treats for all. 

The boss is enthusiastic to a fault, although I'm not entirely sure what that means. He is positive and believes in everyone's ability to do everything regardless of countless and negligent failures on a daily basis. His blind faith clearly inspires everyone to show up each day and after that it wears off as there is only so much momentum faith can bring. He tries his best, and it is unclear whether his best just isn't good enough or if he just needs to wear lifts in his shoes.

I plan to wow him and be the star around here. I just have to keep my head down as the ceilings are unfinished-crawl-space low, work hard and eventually I'll get my chance. I just know I can do it and I need to be patient. Patience has always been hard for me; hard and cold and sort of like granite or quartz.

I have been so busy and I haven't been taking care of myself as I know that I need to. I know that I need to eat better and not just neater and using the rules of etiquette that my parents made me practice for much of my adolescence until I grew to despise them and those rules. They literally tried to hose me off with those rules and I rebelled in the only way I knew how: breakdancing.

And I need to resume my exercise regiment and tighten up. I'm feeling saggy and not in a good way like last time. I think I'll try to go for a bike ride after work tomorrow as the fresh air and endorphins are exactly what the doctor ordered, and yes, I know that the doctor is only a figment of my imagination and that the huge majority of what he says is ignorant and racist as many of my figments are.

Take care diary and I promise I'll write again soon.

Rachelle