I wish that my capacity for jealousy was limitless because nothing gets my goat more than limits placed on jealousy. He's like that, silly goat.
I wish my children could convincingly act as if they were frozen and that they would "practice" this every night when I'm rushing trying to get dinner ready and then to at least clean up part of the mess after they thaw.
I wish that I could wear twenty pairs of socks, one on top of the other, all at the same time and, when an audience finally gathers organically around the multi-socked guy who is waving his limbs frantically in the food court, start slowly peeling them off providing dynamic play-by-play and insightful and humorous colour commentary before, during and after each layer is removed. I am fully prepared for the audience to be somewhere on the disappointed spectrum between vastly and abrasively.
I wish that my back door could experience life as a front entrance way just for a few, fleeting moments because I misguidedly believe strongly that everything should feel like an entrance at some point in my existence.
I wish the way I dressed reflected exactly the way that I feel but I have to say that it is really hard to find a shirt that captures my feelings of ambivalence all the while distinguishing it from the times (and the shirt) when I just feel bored.
I wish I occasionally had to literally eat my way out of a tough situation and that when that does occur I happen to be trapped in a room full of peeled, unsweetened mango as I refuse to peel my own mango especially when in the middle of tough situations.
I wish the way I dressed reflected exactly the way that I feel but I have to say that it is really hard to find a shirt that captures my feelings of ambivalence all the while distinguishing it from the times (and the shirt) when I just feel bored.
I wish I occasionally had to literally eat my way out of a tough situation and that when that does occur I happen to be trapped in a room full of peeled, unsweetened mango as I refuse to peel my own mango especially when in the middle of tough situations.
I wish that a large cat would pick me up when I'm feeling low and after cuddling with me while purring loudly, give me a long, slow and rough lick.
I wish that I could join a private group of well-meaning citizens that meet biweekly to develop, plan and discuss the implementation of new conspiracy theories meant to keep the general public from knowing the truth all the while sampling exceptional local artisan cheeses and crackers.
I wish that I could take a break from my busy day and slowly walk out to the end of the long pier and stand there looking out at the boats on the water all the while attempting to convince anyone else who may look my way that I am "up to something" before rushing to a nearby rental shop to borrow a boat so that I can watch someone else take a break from their busy day and walk slowly on the same pier and stand there looking at me as if I am "up to something" before I move on to step 2 of my grand scheme. But then I'd have to check my watch and go pick up the kids from school and get some groceries forcing me to either put the plan on hold or stop wishing such elaborate, and ultimately pointless, plans in the first place.
I wish that I could take a break from my busy day and slowly walk out to the end of the long pier and stand there looking out at the boats on the water all the while attempting to convince anyone else who may look my way that I am "up to something" before rushing to a nearby rental shop to borrow a boat so that I can watch someone else take a break from their busy day and walk slowly on the same pier and stand there looking at me as if I am "up to something" before I move on to step 2 of my grand scheme. But then I'd have to check my watch and go pick up the kids from school and get some groceries forcing me to either put the plan on hold or stop wishing such elaborate, and ultimately pointless, plans in the first place.
I wish that I could accompany at least one cow on its' way home. It just seems fitting for some reason. Could be all of those times those cows, mostly imagined under duress, aided me on my way home from my friend Charlie's house even after they consumed a meal of steak which could have been their way of saying thanks for your years of service as a vegetarian.
I wish that where there was smoke there wasn't fire that singed my eyebrows making me consider a less-haired existence; that burned my fingers making me reconsider the juxtaposition of my flesh and heat sources; that fried only proverbial eggs as they are entirely inedible and regular edible eggs are sitting a few steps away in the refrigerator; and that didn't look like...
I wish that my father was a hard-working maker of salami so I could storm into his office (I'm unsure if the makers of salami work in offices, and yes, maybe I should have "done my research" and "tried harder to come across as smart" and "stopped making smiley faces on the mirror with the tooth paste", but I was busy compiling a list of ridiculous and bordering-on-ridiculous things that I either wish or wish that I wished for but am having a hard time faking it right now. You are right, I should just have done my research.) and let him know how unhappy I was that he spent a few hundred hours teaching me everything he knew about kite making and flying, even delving into the intricate and devious kite manufacturing and distribution business when all I wanted was a pony. All I wanted was a pony, dad. A freakin' pony. And what did I get? Hours upon hours of kites and salami!?!?! Now I'm a freak and a weirdo! Are you happy dad? You and your salami and your strange and troublesome fascination with kites!
I wish that being in hot water wasn't so strict and that warm water could be allowed instead for those of us with sensitive skin.
I wish that my hands were massively large for those times when people offer me "as much chocolate as you can hold in your hands."
I wish that I could drift off into a deep sleep at the drop of a hat, but not any hat as I could see that getting out of control really quickly especially when I visit those backyard Hat Only parties on windy days or when others "just want to see the guy who drifts into sleep if we drop our hat and...oops! Dropped it again! Sorry! Oh right, he can't hear me as he is asleep. Why oh why do I keep doing that?" But really sometimes it is hard to fall asleep due to the humidity or thoughts in my head or the humidity in my head and being instantly and suddenly asleep would be so nice, but I'm only signing up for that if I keep total control over the hat aspect of this.
I wish I was more buoyant, so I could go find that lifeguard from my youth and show her a thing or two, with one of those things being my extreme ability to float.
I wish I could wake up in the morning, just one time and get up, get dressed and go to work without having to deal with all of the glaring and groaning and hate-filled tirades as well as the loud sarcastic sighs and "whatever"s emanating from my sock drawer.
I wish I had some magic dust that I could sprinkle on myself so that I could be somewhere between 1 and 100% better at everything with the only side effect being occasional itchiness and sneezing due to all of the dust residue.
I wish that I was 200 feet tall, but only on Tuesdays and the occasional Friday afternoon.
I wish that my father was a hard-working maker of salami so I could storm into his office (I'm unsure if the makers of salami work in offices, and yes, maybe I should have "done my research" and "tried harder to come across as smart" and "stopped making smiley faces on the mirror with the tooth paste", but I was busy compiling a list of ridiculous and bordering-on-ridiculous things that I either wish or wish that I wished for but am having a hard time faking it right now. You are right, I should just have done my research.) and let him know how unhappy I was that he spent a few hundred hours teaching me everything he knew about kite making and flying, even delving into the intricate and devious kite manufacturing and distribution business when all I wanted was a pony. All I wanted was a pony, dad. A freakin' pony. And what did I get? Hours upon hours of kites and salami!?!?! Now I'm a freak and a weirdo! Are you happy dad? You and your salami and your strange and troublesome fascination with kites!
I wish that being in hot water wasn't so strict and that warm water could be allowed instead for those of us with sensitive skin.
I wish that my hands were massively large for those times when people offer me "as much chocolate as you can hold in your hands."
I wish that I could drift off into a deep sleep at the drop of a hat, but not any hat as I could see that getting out of control really quickly especially when I visit those backyard Hat Only parties on windy days or when others "just want to see the guy who drifts into sleep if we drop our hat and...oops! Dropped it again! Sorry! Oh right, he can't hear me as he is asleep. Why oh why do I keep doing that?" But really sometimes it is hard to fall asleep due to the humidity or thoughts in my head or the humidity in my head and being instantly and suddenly asleep would be so nice, but I'm only signing up for that if I keep total control over the hat aspect of this.
I wish I was more buoyant, so I could go find that lifeguard from my youth and show her a thing or two, with one of those things being my extreme ability to float.
I wish I could wake up in the morning, just one time and get up, get dressed and go to work without having to deal with all of the glaring and groaning and hate-filled tirades as well as the loud sarcastic sighs and "whatever"s emanating from my sock drawer.
I wish I had some magic dust that I could sprinkle on myself so that I could be somewhere between 1 and 100% better at everything with the only side effect being occasional itchiness and sneezing due to all of the dust residue.
I wish that I was 200 feet tall, but only on Tuesdays and the occasional Friday afternoon.
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