Folding The Laundry in Silence

I have been told repeatedly that I only hurt the ones I love and, while that is true, I am looking to slowly expand into aquaintances in the near future.

You have a smile that lights up the room, and as much as you enjoy the attention and small bit of fame that comes with this unique skill, you are thinking of implementing a small fee for all of the electricity you are providing.

I am now cooking with heat as we have exhausted the cold soup and entree options and salads, although healthy, are making us crazy.

You are attempting to literally drive yourself nuts, but even if you were to figure out how, you aren't quite sure if it will be as amazing as it's been advertised to be.

I am all butterfingers but for not for the reasons people always assume that I am due to my close affiliations with the butter community.

You hit the books with a force and passion that is equal parts commendable and disconcerting.

I am letting myself go and the results are squishy and enthralling and reminiscent of a very small bouncy castle.

You are demonstrating your new and improved flexibility by repeatedly kicking yourself in the butt to the amusement and amazement of all and resulting in free advertising for your yoga studio.

I am going to wash that man right out of my hair immediately after I finish cooking dinner and answering some emails. He can wait.

You slide aggressively headfirst into home plate both scoring the winning run and securing yourself a huge raise in your next contract with the only downside being the amazing amount of cleanup you've created for the underpaid staff of the supermarket.

I reduce all simple tasks to finding a needle in a haystack out of boredom and because my great uncle left me his antique needle collection that was expansive as it was ouchy.

You don't have to be asked twice - you brought home all of the bacon. Now what?

I don't only cry over spilled milk as it is but one of many many many things that reduce me to tears.

You are enjoying your new birthday present by attempting to brand everyone you "own".

I only look as if I just appeared out of midair. In fact I just walked through the front door when your focus was diverted which proves that my art of distraction has greatly improved and you may need your eyes checked on a more regular basis.

You look so quick as you race through the path in the woods and are running so fast as if you are being chased by wolves. Upon closer inspection they only seem to be once-domesticated, now-rabid dogs. 

I am not only going out of my way to be cliched but I'm also trying to pay my way through college.

You are attempting to label everything.

I whisper sweet words of romance and allow the warm breeze to blow them towards you as we enjoy the sunset. And then I start coughing and coughing and coughing.

You are defusing a bomb as we speak, or, as you continue to remind me, just folding the laundry in silence.