I Feel

I feel happy.

Things that usually make me angry or vengeful are putting me over the moon with glee and even that doesn't concern me at all (and it should - aren't you concerned about someone who is happy and vengeful?).

I want to skip through the flowers in my neighbour's yard and am not worried I the least about trampling or ruining them as I will re-plant twice as many tomorrow all the while beaming.

Even when it rains, my spirits are a mile high - It will take a whole lot more than some drops of rain to dampen my elation - nice try weather!

Nothing can bring me down - so stop wasting your energy planning my demise - when I'm happy.

I feel confused.

What? Red? Who? Penguins? Where? Quantum Physics? When? Gwak? Why? Love?

Everything that everyone says about anything makes no sense at all to me all the time - which is totally contradictory to what my horoscope predicted last month.
I would love to be the "go-to guy" for my friends and family on topics from antiquity to zilch, but...I...just...can't...seem...to...think...stuff...about...stuff.
Nothing makes any sense at all - quit laughing at me while I try to...what was I doing again?...when I'm confused.

I feel excited.
After spending the morning literally jumping for joy, the afternoon actually sitting on the edge of my seat continually bouncing my legs up and down, and the evening dancing, I still have loads and loads of energy in reserve so when the clock strikes midnight I am seen running down the middle of the road screaming "Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!" Clothing is, apparently, optional.
It is hard to my finger exactly on what is amping my enthusiasm-levels to near worrisome levels, but I don't care - I'm living large and I'm loving it!
I wonder if my excitement is infectious and plan to find out after I grow tired of smiling and waving at myself in the mirror.
Nothing is boring to me - not even you, Martha - life is electric when I'm excited.

I feel scared.
Sitting alone in the dark on a creaky rocking chair during a thunder and lightening storm is freaking me out - not just a cliche after all; good to know.
I hear creepy noises and voices that are sending chills up my spine alternating with near-golf ball-sized goosebumps - I need to know if the voices are real or if they are figments of my imagination as the techno party my heart is at right now can't go on for much longer.
Laughing in the face of fear would be great right now but my teeth are either chattering non-stop or my jaw is clenched to the point that I think I have punctured my inner-cheek in at least 5 spots.
Nothing is comforting right now, I need my mommy - I am so scared.

I feel anxious.
I'm very concerned that bad things will either happen today or that good things will occur that will just make me highly worried about my luck running out tomorrow or sometime in the near future.
No part of this is fun - my legs are jumpy, my nails are bitten, my eye keeps twitching so much that even the lonely girl at the coffee shop knows I'm not hitting on her this time - I find myself worrying about worrying and then being stressed about all of that and then returning to more worrying.
People are pleading with me to relax and to stop incessantly pacing everywhere and I would, except that I am too nervously busy focusing on my inner turmoil to take a break.
Nothing is peaceful and easy, I am one large ball of stress and nerves - I wish an actual legal, over-the-counter, non-addictive "chill pill" existed when I'm anxious.

I feel hungry.
I'm so famished that, if given the opportunity, the correct cutlery and if I could be promised that I wouldn't be shunned, I would possibly eat an entire horse or failing that a soy-horse.
Extreme situations like this aren't all that much fun - I'm grumpy, I'm agitated  - I just finished yelling at myself in the mirror for the past 45 minutes.
I have almost passed into the phase where my stomach starts eating itself - if I leave it long enough will I collapse upon myself not unlike a black hole?
Nothing is enjoyable when you are this starving and everything that moves has now officially been warned - you are all food when I'm hungry.

I feel beautiful.
I could spend all morning gazing upon my reflection in the mirror like a modern-day Narcissus if I wasn't so busy parading around the town enriching everyone's lives with my extreme attractiveness and still needing to replace my old mirror that I cracked when trying to hug the beautiful image I saw in it.
My beauty, which is equally enjoyed by members of both genders and at least three different animal species, is so incredibly stunning that it is almost too beautiful and is being used as proof of the existence of aliens in a local, very low-budget, public-access TV program.
Speeding tickets are forgiven, long lines at the grocery store part as if I were Moses, and I am like a magnet for other attractive people (I am unsure whether I actually have a magnet implanted in me as my father used to say).
Nothing comes easy for a person who is so awe-inspiring...actually, who am I kidding, of course it does when I'm beautiful.

I feel important.
If there are shots to be called, I call them; if a coin needs flipping, I flip it; and if someone needs to be slapped silly, I am both the slapper and the remover of the silly.
People respect my opinion so much, that I often walk down a busy street handing out little slips of paper with random quotes I thought of, just saying to the somewhat surprised passersby "you're welcome".
I am doing a good job of never allowing myself to be both corrupt and egotistical at the same time, and on the rare occasion that it does happen, I always tip big.
Nothing is more empowering than power, aside from a really good back rub while lying on a big pile of money when I'm important.

I feel empathetic.
People speak to me about their sad and depressing lives and I truly understand how they feel (I usually keep quite about my role in making their lives sad and depressing, it just isn't the right time).
Occasionally my feelings and reactions deviate from empathy and verge on either sympathy or pity mostly as a result of something I ate and how relatively cute the person speaking is.
I just care so much about so many people so much of the time except when I randomly decide to feel disrespected (a fun game I play to provide a break from the monotony of caring).
Nothing feels better than really being there to support others in times of need, although maybe something should, but that's more my problem that theirs, when I'm empathetic.

I feel morose.
Everything sucks, nothing is going my way, and all day long there is an omnipresent doom and gloom (or possibly I should clean my glasses more than once a week).
I find myself listening to dramatic operas, reading poems of death and love lost, wearing lots of black eye-liner and eating nothing but toast with butter and jam (I happen to enjoy my buttered and jammed toast, thank you very much).
No offense, but you can take your sad and your depressed and you can...oh, how I miss the days when I was only sad or depressed! To be just sad or depressed, what a luxury.
Nothing is exciting, pleasing or satisfying, except for the sight of fluffy bunny rabbits (I'm only human), when you are morose.

I feel smart.
Answers to questions just seem to magically appear in my head and, when spoken, dazzle and amaze all present.
I am able to both avoid repeating past mistakes as well making the past mistakes seem brilliant in retrospect.
When alone I rub special ointments on my head, eat a solid diet of oily fish, blueberries and almonds and I have purchased the finest pillow filled with the rarest and softest feathers all in an effort to show my brain the love it deserves.
No problem is too hard, no puzzle too challenging, no riddle too perplexing and all pickles are both dilly and delicious when you are smart.

I feel tired.
My head keeps dropping backwards resulting in my neck snapping forward, my eye lids keep closing providing a warm moist blanket for my sleepy eyes, and my face constantly has the imprint of my computer keyboard on it when I leave my office.
I know I should go to bed earlier, but I just don't want to give up on all of the perks of being sleep deprived.
Afternoon meetings just drag on, seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like hours, and hours still feel like hours (as hours are actually quite long in the first place) just slightly longer hours.
Nothing would feel better than a really great sleep as I (yawn) just (yawn) can't (yawn) stop (yawn)...zzzzz