Go Hide All Of The Knives

You are rinsing freshly picked blueberries.
I am defrosting frozen blueberries.
You beam with a confidence that only fresh berries can provide.

I look across the crowded party and smile seductively at you.

You return my look but mix in an emotional cocktail of doubt, guilt and ignorance.

I decide to make my move as I interpret your reply in as creatively positive a way as I can.

You liberally spread peanut butter on your toast.

I agree with your choice of spread but feel conflicted due to your excessive and wanton use of peanut butter.

You comment that the purchasing and consumption of toast have brought us endless joy and crumbs.

I am updating my profile online.
You notice glaring discrepancies between reality and the information I've just entered that are either accidental oversights, purposeful lies, or confounding examples of the dream-like world I am living in.
I enjoy living in a world of discrepancies.

You playfully mess up my hair.

I playfully mess up your hair in return.

You may grin causally on the outside, but we both know that inside you seethe.

For years, it felt as if \you were moving from relationship to relationship, although you could have been staying still and it was the relationships that were moving. Each person had their good points and their bad, although for some reason the good ones were more noticeable early on and the bad dominated as time went on. You yearned for someone who made you laugh, just not too much or too hard. You longed for someone who listened, just not between the hours of 4pm and 5pm - that was your time. And you ached for someone to hold you, or failing that to keep you from falling when standing or rolling off the bed when lying down - when sitting, all bets were off. You believed that you had so much to give in return - money (mostly in small change), a never-ending supply of apples during the fall harvest and stories of great apple harvests from the past during the rest of the year, paint and paint-related accessories and innovative cardboard box designs with a starter sheet of cardboard to make your very own box. You were happy but always a bit lonely, until we met and then you were just happy and always looking for a new, secondary supporting feeling as lonely no longer made sense.

I am picking individual blades of grass with a fair amount of angst.
You, on the other hand, are very cavalier and carefree about it.
I decide then and there to move out of this angst-filled period of my life and to attempt to live with more trepidation and malaise.

You spend one morning vividly talking about selecting and cutting open watermelons for the purposes of enjoying their juicy flesh.
I nod my head, but as a precaution, go hide all of the knives.
You are nothing if not amazingly literal and confusingly euphemistic.

I love talking about personal philosophies over herbal tea.
You love the tea but find my philosophies equal parts nonsensical and pathological.
I contemplate switching over to caffeinated drinks.

You are attempting to get my attention using only your eyebrows.
I am enjoying a wonderful "waking dream" about two dancing caterpillars.
You never know how to react in situations like this.

I can't stop smiling at you.
You can't stop smiling at me.
I decide to go take a nap, exhausted from all of the excessive smiling.

I spent my twenties actively searching for the right person to spend the rest of my life with. I put up signs, made t-shirts and handed out samples of freshly made grilled cheese all in the effort of finding "The One". The grilled cheese was always well prepared but didn't quite help with the romance, and the sheer cost of all of that cheese made it an unsustainable plan moving forward. After years of hitting the pavement which left marks, making the rounds which just seemed like walking in circles but who was I to disobey such a tried and tested expression, and frequenting places people may go and talk to other people and, if all things go well, spend more time, at a future date, talking with one of those people, I was ready to give up. I daydreamed of kissing someone and had to increasingly make sure I wasn't in a public place while daydreaming as the dreams became more and more exciting and risque. I believed that I was a good person and, that if all was right in the world, good people like me should have good things happen to them and that included, but was not exclusive to, meeting a wonderful, beautiful, fabulous person who may or may not be good with numbers. And then along came you.

You are writing a particularly personal diary entry.
I am envious of that diary as I wish you would be particularly personal with me.
You have experimented with writing on me but my love of showering rendered it pointless.

I take a deep breath and slowly breathe out a long sigh.
You also take a deep breath and release a long sigh.
I will always have the satisfaction that I sighed first.

You stare whimsically at the expensive sculpture.

I silently wish that I could be the object of such whimsy.

You have always reserved your "top" and most rehearsed looks for sculptures.

I am enjoying an afternoon in my new kayak on the lake.

You keep reminding me that you are not a kayak.
I finally agreed that it all made sense as I had been wondering for a while about my troubles with buoyancy. 

You yawn and lay on the couch.

I suppress my desire to yawn so as not to appear overly dependent.

You are enjoying the bliss and comfort of the couch and the break from my usual dependence.

We worked. We just did. And not just in the conventional sense of getting along and supporting each other. We went out of our way to work in as many senses of the term as possible which took a lot of care and research, aside from actually working at the same store or business together as that would be far too literal and we wanted to keep our personal and professional lives separated - aside from the huge summer BBQ and then all rules were tossed out the window. It was pretty ridiculous that the company actually transported a window to the function in the first place -we were prepared to be symbolic. We often completed each other's sentences and when we didn't we often had hours of awkward silence. We experimented with just regular silence, but it just seemed incomplete and comfortable and almost fun which only led to more silence, so we implemented a house rule to make it awkward. We were so in love that we danced to the tune of our own drummer - a very exhaustive process and expensive budget item; we sang at the top of our lungs which just led to horribly sore throats and endless trips to the store for lozenges; and we artistically made clay bowls together, our countless limbs intertwined, our bodies covered with clay from head-to-toe and our faces covered with sweat - these moments felt so right that we got married immediately and decided to sell pottery. The pain of past failed relationships drifted further and further into the past as we made positive new memories together. Not to say that all of the pain was gone, we made sure of that with daily pinching and scratching, just that the frustration of dating was now over -we had each other and we would always be together.